Conventional sex, colloquially known as vanilla sex, is sexual behavior that is within the range of normality for a culture or subculture, and typically involves sex which does not include elements of BDSM, kink, Sexual fetishism, and/or happens within a marriage or relationship.
Etymology
Early entries for
vanilla in the
Oxford English Dictionary refer to its botanical origins, such as the pod of the
Vanilla genus or the orchid
Vanilla planifolia. These definitions appeared in English texts as early as the 1600s. The figurative meaning—"plain, basic, or conventional"—was added in the 1970s, though earlier examples exist.
A notable early instance appears in a 1942 LIFE magazine article, suggesting the metaphorical use was already familiar to the public. In 1997, the OED expanded the definition to include sexual contexts, particularly "vanilla sex," referring to conventional, non-kinky activity. Several citations stem from 1970s gay and lesbian discourse, coinciding with a rise in visibility and activism, indicating cultural shifts shaped the modern usage.
Description
What is regarded as conventional sex depends on cultural and subcultural norms. Among heterosexual couples in the
Western world, for example, conventional sex often refers to sexual intercourse in the missionary position.
It can also describe
penetrative sex which does not have any element of BDSM, kink or fetish.
The BMJ regards conventional sex between homosexual couples as "sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual masturbation, and Oral sex and anal sex."
Vanilla sexuality
The term "
Plain vanilla" in "vanilla sex" leverages the
Polysemy nature of the term, meaning both literally "vanilla" or "conventional", depending on the context.
It originally derives from the use of
vanilla extract as the basic flavoring for
ice cream, and by extension, meaning plain or conventional. In relationships where only one partner enjoys less conventional forms of sexual expression, the partner who does not enjoy such activities as much as the other is often referred to as the
vanilla partner. As such, it is easy for them to be erroneously branded unadventurous in sexual matters.
[ Paper on the difficulties facing "vanilla partners". .] Through exploration with their partner, it may be possible for a more vanilla-minded person to discover new facets of their sexuality. As with any sexually active person, they may find their preferences on the commonly termed "vanilla-kink spectrum" are sufficient for their full satisfaction.
